Three Things to Avoid When Conflicts over Work Issues Arise

A conflict-free workplace sounds great at first blush. No raised voices. No petty disagreements. No criticism. 

On the other hand, a conflict-free workplace also means no safeguards, no thoughtful consideration, no protection against groupthink. Not quite the utopia it seems.

Ideally, personal beef gets checked at the door when people show up to work. Conflict at work should mean that the conflict is about work. It could include all sorts of things: concepts, standards, direction, or tactics.

That’s how ideas get vetted. It’s how compromises get reached, and how everyone’s voice gets a chance to be heard.

That said, there are wrong ways to handle the right kind of conflict. Let’s take a look at three of them.

Taking things personally 

This can go two different directions, neither of them good.

First, you might interpret attacks on your position as attacks on your character, competence, or intelligence, even in the absence of any indication that you’re being personally challenged. 

Blame a couple things for that. A charged political and cultural climate is the biggest culprit. The higher the tension level, the more people dig into their own positions. And because those convictions are so personal, the unintended consequence is that any disagreement is now perceived as a personal attack.

Another (and closely related) factor is how we handle disagreements with people who agree with us. Because we don’t want to alienate others on “our side,” we hesitate to disagree with them about anything. This signals a lack of trust in the relationship. Sadly, it also prevents that relationship from deepening and strengthening through an honest exchange of view.

Want to dig deeper into this subject? Check out Managing Conflict and Confrontation at Work

On the flip side, if we don’t like someone, we assume the worst from them and have problems accepting their viewpoints – even when they’re right.

The phenomenon of self-serving bias leads us to assume the best about ourselves, but the worst about others. So even though we might agree with the other person’s argument, our subconscious convinces us that they still must be wrong somehow.

Taking things personally, or making them personal, ensures that a fact-based discussion will turn personal. That not only derails a conversation in the moment, but also damages relationships and any future discussions.

The good news is that, by refusing the urge to personalize issues-based conflicts, you and your colleagues build trust. That, psychologists say, makes respectful disagreement far easier.

Framing all healthy conflict in “either/or” terms

Binary thinking insists that when two people disagree on something, one of them is entirely right and the other one is entirely wrong. This might work when you’re playing a trivia game, but real life is often far more nuanced.

One huge consequence of that either/or thinking is the feeling that you’ll somehow “lose face” if you concede any of the other person’s points. Actually, you’re more likely to look rigid – even petty – if you can’t concede that both sides might have valid points and actively look for ways to mesh those points into a common strategy.

On the other hand, looking for the best outcome and demonstrating humility and cooperation are always good practices with tangible benefits to your relationships and reputation. 

Instead of coming off as inflexible and argumentative, you’ll be seen as focused on solutions and win-win situations. And when you really believe that your solution to an issue is the best one, your reputation for thoughtful consensus-building will make others more likely to listen to you when you do dig in.

Ending a discussion prematurely to “keep the peace”

Sometimes you’ll need to take a break if things start to get heated. But if you don’t come back to an issue that still needs to be settled, you might be trading a temporary truce for another set of problems down the road.

When issues aren’t resolved, with the resolution clearly stated and explained, people get frustrated. They don’t know what direction to take, which policy has been decided on, or who’s in charge of final approval on a project. 

People also learn that if they’re not happy with the direction a discussion is heading, making the conversation unpleasant and uncomfortable can derail it and discourage the other participants from continuing.

When you take a break from discussions, always set a time to resume them. Make the time frame short – the next business day at the latest, but ideally sooner than that. A vague “later” too often means “never.” 

Avoid these obstacles, and your discussions, your decisions, and your peace of mind will be far better for it.